The Cincinnati Bengals have posted a non-losing record this season. It's also a non-winning record, being 8-8. But it is apparent that Marvin Lewis has transformed the stripey hat guys from a timid, tentative, junior college bunch into a professional team that believes it can win every week (even if it doesn't) and for that, he should be at or near the top of most Coach Of The Year polls. How nice for the team that it doesn't have to speculate on who will be the next head coach for the first time since, seemingly, the Einsenhower administration. (Of course, if you're in Washington, Oakland, New York, Buffalo, Atlanta, Arizona, or Chicago, get ready for a delightful game of musical chairs...) Oh yeah: Who is the worst? All things being equal, it's still the Cardinals, but the Giants made a great case for themselves.

The Knicks seem to have become energized by the addition of Isiah Thomas to the front office and have won 4 straight games. They also got rid of Clarence Weatherspoon in exchange for Moochie Norris in a deal with The Rockets. Now if Isiah can find somebody to unload Eisley and Anderson on, the Knickerbockers may be on a upswing. Too many point guards, but Frank Williams looks solid and occasionally brilliant in his new starter role, and Charlie Ward may be next on the trading block.

Christmas was fun and low-key, enough loot all around but not enough to be overkill. I emailed a bunch of friends the Official Holiday Card, and I heard back from many of them. I now have to get around to replying to those messages...(If you didn't receive the Official Holiday Card, it may be that Chet the intern doesn't have your proper address in the database. He's new, after all, so I cut him some slack. Help him out...Even if you think we have your email address, we may not, so drop a line in our ebox.)

Tags: Football

Via Reuters

Pope Urges World Peace at Christmas Midnight Mass

I had 50 bucks on "Pope Urges All Nations To Bomb Each Other To Kingdom Come".

eh. Easy come, easy go.

Merry Christmas, anyway.

Tags: Funny Hats

Forgive me Father. It's been a month since my last blog entry...
Thanksgiving was spent in Richmond, VA in the pleasant company of milady's father, brother, sister, and assorted family members. The drive down was not too bad, considering we travelled on Wednesday. We hit a major traffic halt just south of D.C., adding an hour to the journey, but it really could've been worse. I hadn't been to Richmond in a couple of years, and the last time was quick in/quick out with a show, so Jo gave me the "this is her life" tour of all her old haunts.
Lots of snow shoveling recently, but I can get it done in not much time. Just the driveway and front walk, since there's no sidewalk on our side of the street. Oh, and chopping thru the huge pile at the end of the driveway that's left by the city snowplows. Thanks guys!
My print agents have been sending me on a lot of go-sees, for which I am grateful. One thing stands out: At most of these calls I am the only blond. There are some guys who have light brown hair, but I am consistently the single blondest male in the room. I may be the only one in the city...except for that guy on Queer Eye.
I've blitzed the agencies with my Commercial Voice Over Demo, and I'm just sitting down to do the follow-up calls. I wonder if I sound blond, too...
I did my annual walk-around-and-get-gift-ideas-but-don't-buy-anything-yet trip the other day, covered a good portion of downtown in the morning and midtown later in the day. And actually got some gift ideas.
Recently got a few residual checks from Days Of Our Lives. For all I know, I may be a very well known face in certain 'foreign markets'.
Tonight is the agency's holiday party, where we mingle and schmooze and meet those other people who are represented by the same agents and think that they're really too close to my type and maybe they should be dropped from the roster so that the agents can concentrate on me. Oughta be fun.

Tags: Laziness, Holidays

Man, what a gawdawful audition today! Up at five, in line by 6:45. I was prepared, relaxed, and ready to have fun. Another long wait in the rain, colder than yesterday, and the usual odd mix of people. We finally were let in out of the cold and packed like the sardines we are into two large drafty rooms, where we sat. And sat. And sat some more. The sign-in process, supposed to start at 9, was delayed nearly a half hour because the Equity monitor was stuck on a slow subway train. She gets there, we sign in, sit around some more, and an hour later...I, (prepared, relaxed, fun-loving me) SUCKED. That's all. For whatever reason, I just couldn't get my Theseus to be the best Theseus he could be. Started well enough, but just degenerated into sloppy work by the mid-way point. We'd been asked to prepare two monologues, but the auditors were only allowing one because of time constraints. My other was Brutus.
Yup.
Shoulda done the tragedy.

Tags: Theatuh

Attended a call today for an out of town gig in Florida. The nature of such calls entails arising at an ungodly hour and standing with many other hopefuls on the street outside the venue, until such time as they deign to open the doors and let you in to wait some more. I don't really mind this process much, particularly when I have the fully packed iPod with me. But this morning, it was raining. Hard. And though I was dressed for it, and umbrella'd, I still was drenched long before I was allowed inside. I carry an extra pair of socks with me, and 'good' shoes, so by the time I actually auditioned, I was reasonably dry and my feet didn't squeak...
After this, I headed downtown for a "Go See": A photo call for a sports shoe maker. Naturally, they wanted to photograph my bare feet. Or rather, everybody's feet. There were about 100 people in the room, most shoeless, and more arriving by the minute. I was told they were looking for "Feet with personality". 'K...The woman ahead of me, in her sixties, I'd guess, had both the top and bottom of her left foot photographed. Her feet had personality. My left foot was apparently not so photogenic, as they only shot the top of it. As I was leaving, I ran into a friend of mine. This woman, a former ballet dancer who certainly must have personable feet said to me: "What're you doing here? You probably have leading man feet!"
Flattered, or at least comforted that something about me was leading mannish, I trudged back out into the rain, my extra pair of socks ready to absorb thrice their weight in water.

Tags: Theatuh

Art Carney 1918-2003

Tags: Obit

This post on Universal Rule:

This generic joke came from a colleague who tried to be politically correct:

Q: How many people belonging to a certain ethnic group does it take to perform a particular menial activity?

A: A finite positive integer. One to perform the activity, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical of their ethnic group!

I hope this was not too offensive.

Tags: WTF

CINCINNATI (AP) --

Corey Dillon was all but forgotten, along with the last 12 years of Bengals follies. Dillon wasn't even in the stadium Sunday as his downtrodden team pulled off a reputation-changing win. Jon Kitna's 53-yard touchdown pass to Chad Johnson and two tipped interceptions gave Cincinnati a 27-24 victory over the Seattle Seahawks. With their first win over a top-notch team, the Bengals (3-4) proved they're no longer dreadful and no longer dependent upon one moody running back. ``We believed we were going to win this game,'' offensive tackle Willie Anderson said. ``This is a new team.''

I admit it. I am a Bengals fan. I can remember going to UC's Nippert Stadium with my family to watch them play in the years before old Riverfront Stadium was built. I know who Greg Cook and John Stofa are. I still resent Dave Shula, and admire Sam Wyche, Bob Johnson, Boobie Clark, and even Virgil Carter. And I was ridiculously happy during their two Super Bowl seasons, and I still bear a grudge against the 49ers. And I have endured the past twelve seasons with a mixture of humiliation, gallows humor, genuine anger, and a low-grade fever. I don't know if they can keep this up...and since they're the Bengals, there's a good chance they won't...but it's good to see a bit of light at the end of a very long tunnel.

Tags: Football

Depending on my mood, the answers change, but this is what they are today:

1. What is your favorite word?
Albatross

2. What is your least favorite word?
Vomit

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Improvisation, meditation, acceptance

4. What turns you off?
Rudeness

5. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck

6. What sound or noise do you love?
Summer Rainstorms

7. What sound or noise do you hate?
Faulty Mufflers

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Sculptor

9. What profession would you not like to do?
Surgeon

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear "God" say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
You're early...Come back later.

And what about you? Feel free to embellish your responses.

Tags: WTF

I'm amazed that O.J. Simpson still has not, apparently, found the real killers...or if he has, somebody's keepin' it hush hush.
I know, I know. All the tourists and police activity and the passage of time has spoiled what was once a pristine crime scene, and the world has moved on to other, more pressing, topics. But I can't help thinking that the answer to the riddle is just around the corner. Maybe, just maybe, if we all could - oh, I dunno - pitch in for one weekend a month or something, sort of like a Private Eye National Guard, we could find the evildoer(s).

Who's with me?

Or we could golf.

Tags: "News", Killers

The old washer and dryer, whisked away by city employees, as promised. This morning. Before 7. Shall I be annoyed that they parked their truck on the pile of leaves at the curb? Y'know, the ever-growing pile that other city employees come and whisk away twice a month? No, I shall not .
'Appliance Removal Service' requires an appointment be made with the city and is different from 'Bulky Waste Day', which is a monthly event and strictly controlled by the appropriate civic division. Apparently, appliances are not considered bulky waste. Not that they aren't bulky. Or waste (at least, to us). Bulky Waste is the detritus of daily life that accumulates in the garage or basement or living room -old dollhouses, say, or grandfather clocks- things that don't fit in the standard curbside trash cans. The advantage of a regularly scheduled Bulky Waste Day is that everybody puts out their junk the evening before pick up, so if you're so inclined, you can drive around the neighborhoods looking at other people's bulky waste, and if the spirit moves you, claim it as your own. Which is how Jo became the owner of six perfectly good oak chairs, now cleaned and reupholstered and gracing the dining room.
Come to think of it, I didn't actually see a city logo on the truck this morning. Maybe an enterprising young family, in desperate need of washer and dryer, seized the opportunity. In which case, I may yet be confronted by angry official appliance removal guys wanting to know why we placed a prank pick up call.

Tags: Curbside

LONDON (Reuters) -

Six British schoolboys were rushed to hospital after taking the erection-enhancing drug Viagra at lunchtime for a dare, the school said Thursday.The Sun newspaper quoted a source at the school as saying: "By the time the afternoon lessons began, there was no hiding what they had done."Paramedics took the six squirming boys to the nearby Royal Berkshire Hospital, where they were monitored until the effects wore off.'

Perhaps this was a bid for extra credit?

Tags: "News"

Via Associated Press:

For the fifth straight year, members of Congress will see a jump in their paychecks in 2004, with election-year salaries rising from the current $154,700 to about $158,000. The Senate, on a 60-34 vote Thursday, rejected a proposal to exempt senators from a cost-of-living increase going to all civilian federal workers and military personnel. Last month the House, by a similar convincing margin, also turned back an attempt to deny lawmakers an automatic share of the COLA increase.

Note to Congress: Belt tightening only works if the whole belt is tightened! What a wonderful way to thank the troops for their sacrifice.

Tags: "News", Govmint

Christopher Hitchens lays it out re the beatification of Mother Teresa. We all know that the Pope is on his last go-around, and it seems that JP2 decided on the fast track for MT soon after her death. I wonder, though, if it was a toss up between Teresa and Diana of Wales. Maybe his holiness and Sir Elton got together and flipped a coin: "Heads, Teresa gets the song, Diana gets sainthood. Tails, Diana is immortalized in pop claptrap, and Teresa sits two chairs from the right hand of God".

I'm glad it came up tails. Candle in The Wind was maudlin enough when it was about Marilyn, and got downright syruppy with the Diana remake. World-Wide diabetic coma certainly would've been a possibility if The Rocket Man had won the toss. Or lost it.

Tags: WTF

In the spirit, if not the time frame, of Spring Cleaning, we finally got the old washer and dryer out of the basement today. Luckily for me, the house has an ancient, yet servicable, passage directly to the back yard. I would've rather disassembled the damn things than lug them up through the kitchen. The rear door, um doors, actually, resemble those of a castle keep, with heavy locking hardware and diagonal struts. They are also covered in cobwebs. Or they were. Although I gave the doors and stairwell a good going-over with a broom, a fair number of webs ended up on me. Great. Later tonight I'll have families of spiders nesting in my beard.

The doors are wide enough, so it was no struggle to get the machinery through them, and there are only 5 steps to negotiate, albeit steep and crumbly steps. With Jo spotting from the bottom of the steps, I hoisted the dolly up the steps, through the not-as-muddy-as-it-was-last-week yard, and into the garage, where they remain until Friday morning when the kindly folk from the city pick them up. I guess all the working out (cough) is paying off. I wasn't winded or strained in the least, which is a good thing. If I'd lost my grip, I'd have a squished girlfriend in the basement and a lot of explaining to do.

Mmmmm...squished girlfriend...

The Associated Press reports David Gest Sues Liza Minnelli for $10M.

"Producer David Gest sued Liza Minnelli for $10 million Tuesday, accusing his estranged wife of alcohol-fueled violence that caused neurological damage and headaches.  Gest, 50, alleges in court papers that Minnelli, 57, flew into drunken rages on several occasions on both sides of the Atlantic, insulting and striking him......"

I recall just a few months ago how much in love these two kids were. It's a damn shame, I tell ya.

Did they not have the traditional "If anyone present knows of any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now..."? Surely somebody would've spoken up. Maybe not Michael Jackson, or Elizabeth Taylor, or even Barbara Walters, but why oh why would David Hasselhoff keep his trap shut?
Oh, wait...that's right: EVERYBODY was too busy stifling guffaws to protest anything.

I can't wait for the movie.

Tags: WTF

1781- Cornwallis surrenders at Yorktown. The Revolutionary War ends.

1919- Cincinnati Reds beat Boston Red Sox 5 games to 3 in the "Black Sox" scandal-marred 16th World Series.

1963- The Beatles record "I Want To Hold Your Hand"


Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not....

Tags: WTF

This entry in Wil Wheaton's blog is inspiring. The man has, over the last couple of years, remade himself while remaining true to himself. Not an easy task by any stretch. He's done it with wit, humility, skill, talent, no small amount of love and support from his wife and kids, and most amazingly, he's done it publicly.
You'd do well to bookmark his site and follow the continuing adventures of Uncle Willy. Far preferable to checking in here on my goofball site, for certain.

Wil and I appear together in Foreign Correspondents, he in a lead role in the first half of the film, I in supporting in the second half. The nature of the shoot assured that we didn't meet on set, and because of previous commitments, he was unable to attend the LA premiere with the rest of the cast. But I love his work in this film, and I look forward to meeting him one day soon and congratulating him in person.

Knicks Drop PreSeason Opener.To the freakin Wizards. I know it's a long season, and the rookies showed some promise, and maybe Antonio McDyess will be back sometime before Christmas, but c'mon..The Wizards?

Tags: Basketball Jones

The Austrian has been elected Governor of California. Hokey Smokes, Bullwinkle! Now, one doesn't get to be one of the wealthiest movie stars ever by being a complete idiot, and from most reports he is anything but a complete idiot...still, I hope he finds a place in his administration for his fellow celebretitians Gary Coleman and Mary Carey.

Tags: Govmint

I witnessed a "Who's Minding The Store" episode yesterday. On my way to the theatre to pick up the script, I saw a youngish, skinny guy walking 14 dogs. Yes...FOURTEEN. I had to count, and I'm pretty sure they were 14 separate breeds. Every size, from tiny, yappy house-slipper things to one that looked like a Mastiff-Great Dane mix. The kid was in control, but barely. Every twenty feet or so, several dogs would stretch out to the full extent of their leashes and investigate whatever caught their doggy attention. I walked along behind them on 51st Street for a while, and I turned up 8th Ave at the corner. But as I did, I noticed on the opposite corner an attractive woman (presumably our Jill St. John substitute) leading a blond Afghan hound. I waited to hear the sounds of entanglement, but if it happened, the barking and snapping was drowned out by the usual traffic noise.

Tags: Location

This is the only excuse I have for not writing. If I had a dog, perhaps the alibi would hold water. Cats and hamsters aren't the usual suspects when one is searching for an animal to blame for the disappearance of one's work; snakes (such as the now-permanently named Kenny) are also not the usual suspects, but a very good choice, there being something Biblically nefarious about them. If Kenny hadn't been busy the past week shedding his skin, I could've conceivably made him the culprit, but he was both timid and surly the whole time, and really couldn't be bothered with something so mundane as this. (He's much fresher looking now.)

The last 10 days or so have been mildly eventful. I signed on to do two more readings: First up on Oct. 6 is a revised version of The Bones Of Giants, which we presented at Ensemble Studio Theatre in March. I will again play Buffalo Bill and flinty westerner Abe Hardwood. In early November, I'll be reading the role of John Honeyman in a new play about George Washington and certain events surrounding the Battle of Trenton. Exact date has yet to be determined, but I'm jazzed to be working with director Hilary Adams and Julian Rad, of WORKS Productions, who just impressed the hell outta me with their production of Moby Dick.
I also had a preliminary interview (known as a 'pre-screening') over at Law & Order: Criminal Intent. All this means really is that they've seen my work, and now I'm in the "pool" of actors to be used, should the occasion arise that they require somebody just like me...Still, they could not have been nicer. I was, of course, happy to have been summoned, and I hope they do require somebody just like me. And, I was seen for the National Tour of The Exonerated. I have no expectations about the result of this audition, but it was kick-ass. The tour begins October 7, so unless my phone rings in the next five minutes or so, I'm SOL.
Oh. I also had my flu shot today, courtesy of AEA, SAG, AFTRA, and The Actors Fund of America.

Tags: Laziness

Usta be, I could procrastinate in every area of my life, but with the passage of time and the stubborn bill paying schedule I've created for myself, I find that I can no longer let things go so casually as I once did. These are sad times. Clean the house? Done. Do laundry? Done. Grocery shopping, monologue work? Done and done. Call my parents, be attentive and loving to my girlfriend and her kids, see random shows that friends are in? Done.
But the simple act of posting to this every day, or even every other day, is daunting: I stare forlornly at the screen, thinking witty and profound thoughts, but my fingers make no move to the keyboard, my urge to vent or tell a joke or be philosophical or report last week's Fantasy football scores lost in the subtle hazy blue of my iBook's screen. "Is that the right background for today?", I wonder. Maybe I'd more more inspired by a another desktop picture. Something more powerful, or nature-y, or animal skin-y, or...different-y. So I set the pictures to change every 5 seconds, and I'm mesmerized by the great variety of backgrounds I've assembled. How can I have that many pictures of Stonehenge? Do I really need a folder full of Ansel Adams desktops? When was the last time I used that Half-Dome picture, anyway? Oooh, there's that hot snap of Jennifer Garner, and that one of Cate Blanchett! Hey, when did I turn that pdf of my Days Of Our Lives contract into a desktop pic? Too many distractions. I should stick to blue.

Tags: Laziness, Site Stuff

From The Washington Post via AlterNet comes this sobering thought:

The Washington Post notes that “the $87 billion request is nearly triple the amount the federal government plans to spend on elementary and secondary education this year, and more than twice as much as the budget for homeland security.”

The $166 billion that has already been spent or requested exceeds “the inflation-adjusted costs of the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, the Mexican War, the Civil War, the Spanish American War and the Persian Gulf War combined” and “approaches the $191 billion inflation-adjusted cost of World War I.”

I'm sure, with very little prodding, we can up this to include WWI, WWII, Korea, and Viet Nam. We are a determined society, after all.

Tags: "News", Govmint

I seem to not yet have the hang of this blogging thang. After days of surfing, I have discovered that one is supposed to add to this collection on a daily basis. Some even post new thoughts several times a day, and the really hardy souls have just jacked Kung-Log directly into their brains and are thinking new posts!

My golly a hundred, what have I done?

Tags: Site Stuff

My agents are running low on headshots, so I dropped off the last of what I had and called the repro house to order more prints. For some reason, I have in my notes that the contact person at the photo place is named Ygor. (The company is run by Russian immigrants, and they do a nice job....) So I ask to speak to Ygor, and I'm greeted by a long silence, then (in heavily accented English):

"There is nobody called Ygor here!"

"Um, okay, I want to order re-prints, so..."

"Where are you calling? Why do you ask for Ygor?"

"Yeah, look, I just want to get some more photos printed"

"We do that, nobody is Ygor here."

"Well, who is this?"

"I am not Ygor."

"...uh, alright notYgor, can I just order..."

"What is name?"

"Coler. C-O-L-..."

"No first name?"

"Douglas"

"Dooglas, how are you! It is Mikhail!"

Now, I know I've got a business card with Ygor on it. I keep it with the receipts, and it's also in my address book. But hey, if he's Mikhail, and he can get my order taken, I'm just as happy to talk to him.

"Dooglas, call me fifteen minutes. I will look for the file."

"Fine, Mikhail. But why do I have a business card that says Ygor?"

"Ygor doesn't answer phones."

"So you do have somebody named Ygor?'

"Yes, yes. He is lab guy."

I consider myself well versed in the Universal horror genre, and I am chagrined that I didn't think of that. Of course: Ygor is ALWAYS the lab guy.

It's still a mystery as to why I have Ygor's card. And since he doesn't answer phones, why he has a card in the first place.

Tags: Russians

A fair portion of the day was spent at the wedding reception of our friends Kathryn and John. A much shorter amount of time was spent in the pet store, getting a pack of Mice on Ice for the newest member of the family, a Ball Python who is yet nameless, but will probably be called Kenny. I'm not sure what one event has to do with the other, but it was an odd juxtaposition: 60 people at a backyard barbeque (complete with whole roasted pig), pleasant conversation, merrymaking, and toasting, then home to thaw a frozen mouse in hot water and watch it get swallowed by a reptile. I can't be sure its not some kind matrimonial metaphor.

Tags: Weddings

I'm in love with a woman who is the mother of two girls, and the word 'panties' is uttered frequently in their house. Sometimes 6 or 7 times a day. Which lead me to wonder just what the difference is between Panties and Briefs. Essentially, women's panties and men's briefs are the same item; the fabric varies, sure, and the style, but the shape is pretty much the same across the board. The whole category is Underwear, I suppose, but those two garments are specific in their nomenclature. I'm rather reluctant to describe anything wrapped around my nether regions as brief...guilt by association? I do understand the name Panties. The diminutive form of Pants. Most men wear pants, but not panties...Slacks, maybe, but not slacksies...Jeans, but not jeansies...shorts, but not shorties.

As you can see, this is a complex question...

I find boxer shorts uncomfortable, jockey shorts too complicated (that whole fly thing), and boxer briefs redundant, so its bikini briefs for me. Or, as I've come to think of them, panties. I'm wearing diminutive pants right now. And I like it.

Tags: Panties